The Skill Problem Solving
Stuck on the Same Problem? Try These 7 Steps from DBT
Most of us think we're good problem solvers, and we probably are. We're wired to fix things. But when a problem keeps coming back, or when strong emotions are involved, jumping straight to fixing can inadvertently keep us stuck.
On the latest episode of The Skills Podcast, we cover the Dialectical Behavior Therapy skill of Problem Solving. It's the last of the DBT emotion regulation skills for changing emotional responses, after checking the facts and opposite action. It builds on how we already solve problems and adds a few steps that most of us skip.
Here is a recap of what we went over in episode 16 and the full episode is linked at the end, for your listening ears.
First off, remember that you always have options.
When life hands you a problem, you can respond in four ways:
Tolerate it, using distress tolerance skills to get through it.
Change your emotional response to it.
Stay miserable, or make it worse. (We all do this sometimes.)
Problem Solve it.
As Faith put it, when you feel backed into a corner, "your brain just wants to only do one thing, which is usually the least helpful thing." Remembering that you have more than one option gives you room to pick a better one.
The 7 steps of problem solving
These steps follow DBT Emotion Regulation Handout 12 and we made a free worksheet that walks you through all seven steps, with a filled-in example from the episode. [Download the Problem Solving Worksheet →]
Describe the problem. Write it out. Who is involved, what is happening, when did it happen and where? If you find two or three problems bundled together, split them up and pick one.
Faith quoted one of her CEOs: "A problem well stated is at least half the solution."
Check the facts. Take out your assumptions and interpretations. Meredith has taught this step for years, and she says people often find "a different problem underneath the problem." If you've tried lots of solutions and none of them work, you may be solving the wrong problem.
Identify your goal. What are you trying to accomplish? How will you know the problem is resolved? Without a clear goal, problem solving gets scattered. You try this, then that, then something else.
Brainstorm. This is Meredith's favorite step. Come up with at least five ideas and don't judge them yet. Wild ideas count. The point is to loosen the tunnel vision strong emotions create. If you get stuck, ask a coach, a colleague, or a friend for ideas.
Choose a solution. Pick the idea that best fits your goal. If you're torn between a few, write out the pros and cons of each.
Put it into action. Go do it and see what happens.
Evaluate. This is the step people skip most often, and it's where you learn the most. What worked? What moved the needle? If it didn't work, don't decide the problem can't be solved. Go back to your list, ask what you missed, and try another idea.
A real-world example: "Why isn't this getting done on time?"
Faith has been seeing the same problem with many of the startup leaders she coaches. A team member misses deadlines, the leader gets frustrated, and the leader takes the work back.
The first thought is often that the person isn't motivated, so they need more incentives. But that's an assumption. When Faith asked the leaders to tell her more, the facts looked different. These teams were in high-demand environments with "a million plates spinning," and they weren't aligning on priorities. No one could see what anyone else was working on.
The real problem was that the team wasn't in sync. The goal became: "I need to know I can rely on my people," meaning work arrives on time or with an early heads-up if someone is blocked. Each team brainstormed ideas and chose one to try. The in-person team picked a quick daily stand-up. The hybrid team, split across time zones, is trying something that works for them. The last step is to come back later and see whether it's working.
"But I don't have time for this"
Leaders often push back: this is too slow, and I shouldn't have to babysit people. Meredith and Faith answer that by asking which is the bigger time sink: slowing down once, or dealing with the same problem again and again? Faith calls this "go slow to go fast."
Meredith suggests a reframe. Instead of "I don't have time for that," try "I haven't prioritized the time for that." You get to decide what's important.
Faith has one more tip for leaders tempted to take work back. Picture your hands tied behind your back. The fastest path is to lean in with real curiosity: "Help me understand. Are you blocked somewhere?"
Try it yourself
If you missed it above, here's a link to our Problem Solving Worksheet ready for you to plug and play your examples. [Download the Problem Solving Worksheet →]
🎧 Listen to the full episode: [episode link]
